FLAWS

 FLAWED

I am irresponsible and that is just me.

 

I like to blame my thoughtless actions on other people, because that’s just me.

  

I am often selfish.

And when I make sacrifices for other people, I like to think about my goodness, and how saintly I am; to be doing this or that for the other person.

I gloat.

And dwell on the amazing abundance of my heart, the goodness that flows from within.

Simply because I spared that fat woman in the *trotro* an insult, when she accidentally stepped on my purple sneakers.

I am a monster.

And that is just me.

When I am angry,

There is no calming, no peace, no intervening.

Because I will rant, and shout, and cry, and throw things, and hurl insults; firing guns with my mouth.

Because I will storm out and curse all that is beautiful and pure.

I will look at the skies, and curse God, saying

“You think you’ve done something aama.”

“The sun is too hot, and it’s giving people cancer. Consider that when next you want to give us too much sunshine.”

I will scoff and do all manner of things.

And no one dare try to stop me,

Because I am a monster,

And that is just me.

I am insecure.

And that is just me.

No amount of “Baby, I love you-s” and “You’re beautiful-s” will make me see that indeed, I am the only one.

I will go through your phone, night and day alike.

And I will force you to reveal what that inside joke you and that girl Mansa share is.

I will stalk you online, and sit for agonizing minutes; planning how to make you pay, because you commented “Hot Pic” on her Instagram page, and all I got was “You’re looking good, love.”

I will turn every new hairstyle into a duel, and every “Not tonight, babe. I’m tired” into a case, presided over by the Supreme Court.

I will never believe any kind word, or gesture.

Because I am insecure,

And that is just me.

I am too emotional,

And that’s just me.

I will wail when I stub my toe,

Collapse in fits of giggles when you say something slightly, or even moderately funny.

I will cause stars to explode,

Bend rock,

And squabble with the cosmos, the entire universe,

Because Augustus Waters died in that movie

And God forbid I fall in love with you!

I will stay the whole night, awake, staring at my phone, because you forgot to text me “Goodnight <3”

And when you break up with me for being "too emotional",

I will enlist friends just like me to camp outside your house in protest for my ‘bleeding heart’.

I love too hard, I cry even harder, and I laugh the hardest.

I am human.

You’re human.

And all of this; is most likely about you.

And me,

And humanity.

Because you see, the very things we like to view as foreign and detached from us, are those things that make us the flawed beings we are.

 

When we surrender...