New Rest

Entering into a season of rest.

These few weeks have been stressful; truth be told they have been a bit more than I can handle, and then some. I have walked away from relationships, left home, and tried this whole "Adulting" phase by myself.

 

It has NOT been easy, and constantly I am forced to consider the decisions I have made. All this change because I had lost my peace, had disappointed the people I loved, and thrown a wrench into the unit I called family. 

I was beating myself up over mistakes I had made when I was much younger, and more stupid, and now I was learning that people do not forget, and that very few people forgive. I had walked away from my past, but it still followed, and nothing I could do could change the me people saw.
 

I was in dire need of peace. Rest from it all.
 

Suicide and depression were calling all 4 of my names, and God knows how many times I tottered over the edge of that cliff.
 

One Saturday I couldn't take it anymore, and I was torn between two options. To leave, or to LEAVE.
 

I cried the rest of my pain out, and I gave myself a chance to cry out to the Great God of wonders. 

My heart was at trial, and it is, daily. But gradually, on the move, He showed me that season of rest, and what I needed that rest for.  

Because this draught had been going on for sometime, and it had dried up my peace, completely drained my essence. I was DEPRESSED, not just sad or unhappy, and doing things I wasn't supposed to for a quick fix of happiness.
 

/REST/
 

My season of rest, I'm learning, is not kicking off my shoes and resting in my bed, or having a slow day in the office or on the job, as it is for some.
 

My season of rest begins with repentance, prayer and fasting, and most importantly, surrender.
 

Surrender, I'm learning, is not lifting my hands to the heavens and screaming "I surrender all..." but truly, truly submitting to God, whether I am willing to, or not.  

SURRENDER eh, it requires a submission that is brought forth from humility.
 

We have acceptance in Christ, and we are deeply loved by the Father with a love that doesn't wane, or fade, or anything like that. To surrender to God, we have to adopt a posture of deep humiliation before Him, realising that we are, and live, and move, and have our being because of God and Him alone.

 

Me realising that I was weak and couldn't find peace on my own was a step towards finding rest.

As MANKIND, socialisation has ingrained it into our nature to not acknowledge that we have problems deserving of help, the mantra is to "be strong, don't let them know you are hurting" and this is breaking hearts and backs.

All this can be covered by the humility I spoke of earlier. 

Frankly, alone, there is no way we can make much of a difference.

<He humbles the proud and frustrates the crafty>  SO Your great acting skill and your independence will get you nowhere.  

Here is a quote by Spurgeon that helps put everything into perspective.
 

"I wish that saints would cling to Christ half as earnestly as sinners cling to the devil. If we were as willing to suffer for God as some are willing to suffer for their lusts, what perseverance and zeal would seen on all sides!"
 

I am wont to think of my past as a harbinger of pain and foolish mistakes, but I am also reminded that His love never fails, never gives up, and never runs out on me. He shows me how relentlessly He can pursue, and then the past does not matter. Not anymore.
 

Grace and Peace, fam'.
 

Most importantly, Peace.
 

Jeremiah 29 : 11