Nia

Entering into a season of rest. These few weeks have been stressful; truth be told they have been a bit more than I can handle, and then some. I have walked away from relationships, left home, and tried this whole "Adulting" phase by myself.   It has NOT been easy, and constantly I am forced to consider the decisions I have made. All this change because I had lost my peace, had disappointed the people I loved, and thrown a wrench into the unit I called family.  I was beating myself up over mistakes I had made when I was much younger, and more stupid, and now I was learning that people do not forget, and that very few people forgive. I had walked away from my past, but it still followed, and nothing I could do could change the me people saw.   I was in dire need of peace. Rest from it all.   Suicide and depression were calling all 4 of my names, and God knows how many times I tottered over the edge of that cliff.   One Saturday I c...

I've got wounds; the kind that take forever to heal. Some are really just dry scabs - waiting for that one good yank to break apart and bleed all over, again. I've got hurts that bleed me dry, Painful words engraved in my psyche - awaiting that one opportunity so they can be appreciated via recall, and spat back at their givers. I've got a pulse that sometimes seems steady on nothing else but retaliation. And left to me, every tongue that has caused me heartache, Every hand that has caused me pain, Would be condemned to the substance of their nightmares - a Chateau D'if of their own doing. I realise now that I've not only been hurt, but that I also, have a reason to forgive. I am still learning forgiveness. From pain.