BENDING TO BE CHOSEN: an ode to losing in friendship...

Grieving something you’re not quite sure you’ve lost yet is a terrible kind of limbo…

I’ve always had a thing for “closure”

Not because it helps with healing -

Growing taught me not all wounds heal with whispered pleas or contrite knees

But maybe because I can be impossibly optimistic

with the people I love.

I am kinder with my speech,

Bite my tongue on rebuke

Quell doubts with rose-coloured projections into the future,

I am “agreeable”

Slower to anger,

Able to bear much,

Carry the weight of neglect.

Adjusting to convenience,

White-knuckles from holding on,

I erect pedestals.

Sometimes an end is an end.

Whether it leaves trailing wisps of memory that land softly and tug at your heartstrings

Or booming expressions of fickle love performed to dazzle.

Sometimes an end is an end,

When you are tired of a war not yet started

Arms stiffened from olive branches ignored,

Counting the possible cost of a singular casualty

Praying it not be you.

Sometimes an end is an end

And bending over backwards,

even if only to remind yourself of a love that now feels ephemeral,

Is a twisted wounding.

You are grieving something you are not quite sure you have lost yet - look, here goes hope already.

“stay the believer.

The lover,

The friend.”

But your spine creaks ominously.

Bending,

Some more bending.

Until you break.

» adjefa (2026)

It's been quite the while since my last blog post (2020) to be exact - and I'd almost forgotten how much of a release writing was - is, for me. This was a last ditch attempt to free my mind from some thoughts I'd been having and oh what melancholic release...

Here's a poem to hold my reluctance to act, to force me to look into the eyes of the conversations I fear, to demand more - not out of selfishness, but need. I also matter. And I won't break.

Thank you for reading 😊💜

Leave a comment for me if this resonates with you in any way.

some of my love, adjefa

Comments

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